Introductions & Cast of Characters

My name is Tiff. I live in a small southern town; the same one I grew up in, and the kind where EVERYONE knows your business.
I'm a southern stereotype: Lots of Unused Potential; Twisted Family Background; a Nasty 1st Marriage When I Was But a Girl; Nasty Divorce in which My Husband Ran Off With an 18-year old; More Kids than I Planned On; the standard Beautiful Old House Which is Perpetually Falling Down Around Us, and I even Married My Childhood Best Friend (that would be Husband #2, also known as The Good One That I Plan on Keeping). We have three kids, never enough money, and a completely unreliable slacker of a car. We also have an Old Man (my husband's father, also known as Dad) who lives with us - a fact that fills us with random combinations of Joy, Annoyance and more half-finished, tinfoil-covered cans of Mystery Food than any refrigerator should ever possess.

I'm a huge geek, perpetual dork, and trying my damndest to only screw my children up in interesting, character-improving sort of ways. Or at least make it funny, when I fail at that.


A few of the Characters you may encounter, in these blogs:

Peyton: My 2nd husband of three years, best friend of twenty-some-odd years, and Eternal Nemesis. He's my biggest fan (likely because he knows what side HIS bread is buttered on), and the Nicest (and weirdest) Boy I Ever Knew.
You know how in "Pretty in Pink," you wanted to scream at Molly Ringwald for not just staying at the prom with Duckie? Well, that was us. Except I was actually popular in high school. And you'd need to add in failed marriages for Andie and Duckie. And babies. But you get the point.
Dad: Afore-mentioned 70-year old man who regularly consumes more groceries than a horde of starved rats, and is a constant source of one-liner gems like "Well, how was I supposed to know the children aren't allowed to have a tea party with your dvd collection?"
Deirdre: 5-year old daughter/Authority on Everything. Deirdre likes drawing, building, tattling and anything reptilian.
Lucien: Not-quite-three year old son/Agent of Destruction. Lucien likes the word "Poopies," Superman, and Whatever His Sisters Are Playing With.
Kalel: 18mth old Evil Genius. Kalel enjoys Bending Humankind to Her Will, sucking her fingers, and the funny noises people make when she causes them pain.
Josh: The Ex-Husband/Source of Most Annoyance in the Universe. Josh is technically the father of Deirdre, although neither party seems to be aware of this, which is probably for the best. Josh usually makes his appearance in such themes as: "WHERE is the child support?" "What is WRONG with him?" and "Ten Bucks says you can't guess what my Ex just did."


This is my life, and people tend to find it hilarious. If it makes you laugh, then hopefully it will earn me good karma so I can win the lottery. If it makes you laugh so hard you need new underwear, or your concerned coworkers/spouse/children rush over to see if you require emergency aid...then you should really be sending me money for this.
Laughter extends the life, you know. Keeps you healthy. That means I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE; YOU OWE ME.